Inconceivable Belief
by jasmyn
Summary: JP/SB, HP/DM slash! Harry is given a journal from the past. And as he reads through the pages, his whole world changes. An answer to Prong's Challenge.
1. Default Chapter

Prologue

Where do I begin? The beginning is the usual place, I know this. However, I was not there at the beginning. I only have the testimony of others. People that are supposed to be dead, aren't. Lies all my life, secrets and betrayals. I never truly understood what he told me that day. My hope is to figure it out by writing this, this story. 

Before I begin, please know this may or may not be true. I haven't seen or heard from the person who told me all of this since he left right after his confession to me. I only have his word to go on, and he's an alleged escaped convict. Well, until recently that is, when he was cleared.

I never figured that one out, seeing as the only person who knew the truth, Peter Pettigrew, was dead 3 years now. 

Unless of course... Sirius was telling the truth.

******

Chapter one

"Five years, four months, and eighteen days," Sirius muttered to himself. "However have I managed it?" 

Sirius Black, was a tall dark and handsome specimen of a man. Well, he used to be before he was thrown into Azkaban, five and a half years ago. Accused of killing 13 people with one curse, and betraying his James and Lily Potter to He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, he was left to rot in a closet of a cell with no trial. 

"Throw him in, and lock him up!" Sirius mumbled sarcastically. He did that a lot. "You didn't do anything Sirius Black. You didn't betray your friends to Voldemort; you didn't kill 13 people. Wormtail did. That stupid rat bastard did. What I'd like to do to him right now...." he trailed off. "I'll get my chance. I'll get my chance for revenge. I will avenge James a Lily. I'm innocent. I'm innocent..." 

Night fell, and what little light they had was extinguished. The screams always got worse at night. The prison, full of murderers and villains. They all screamed into the night sky, praying for relief. Childhood memories, friends, all the good things in life are all gone. The people are left with nothing but withering hopes and despair. 

Sirius was only an exception because he never screamed. He didn't kill Lily and James. He didn't betray those thirteen people... wait that was backwards. He shook his head, and looked up at the night sky. Through he cracks in the clouds, he could see the full moon. Sirius wanted to think about Remus and the fun they had at Hogwarts, but the happiness would be sucked away, leaving him feeling even more hollow and empty than before. 

"There is plenty of time to think of those things after you get out of this place," Sirius scolded himself.

As the next morning arrived, so did a new inmate. Sirius could hardly wait. He derived a sick pleasure, one that couldn't be taken by Dementors seeing as they had caused it, in seeing how long it took before the "new guy" went crazy.

"He'll be placed with you, Black. One wrong move and you'll be kissed. Understood?" The caretaker, Miles asked him with a sneer. 

Sirius muttered his approval and lay back down on his bed.

No one said anything that night. No one moved the next morning.

"Five years, four months, 20 days," Sirius muttered, marking it down on the wall.

"What?" The voice from the other cot asked softly. He was covered head to toe, in a black robe. His face was hidden beneath the hood.

"That's how long I've been in here. I didn't do any of the things I was accused of either. I supposed though, that's not the point. I'm in here for the rest of my life," Sirius was pacing by now, feeling like a caged animal. Then he barked a laugh, "I'll probably die in this cell. 5 galleons it'll be by your hand."

"I'll hold you to it," the other man replied.

Sirius just raised an eyebrow. "You sound familiar. Do I know you?"

Slowly the man stood up and pulled his hood down. "Surely you remember me, Sirius?"

He took a step away from the man. "This... you... joke. Lie." Sirius shook his head, trying to clear the image, but still the man in the robes stood before him. 

"James?"


	2. Chapter Two

I know. I could barely believe it myself. All my life I had been told my parents were dead. I was shocked, a more than a little skeptical when I found out. 

I never had any proof. Well, except the diary. I suppose that would count.

I've read the entire thing, front to back a hundred times. Some things, I didn't want to believe. 

If Sirius had escaped before, why had I never heard about it? Well, I suppose that is obvious as well. According to the diary, he doesn't remember.

****

Chapter Two

"James?" Sirius asked, shocked. "You... you're dead. Gone. Not alive. This isn't possible!" Sirius screamed. 

"Oh yes it is. I'm sorry for disturbing you like this, but you've suffered long enough, I think. We're getting out of here."

"Oh?" Sirius cried. "And how do you suppose we're getting out of here? You, James Gabriel Potter are Dead. You can't be anything more than a figment of my imagination!"

"One would assume that after being in here for what was it? Five years, four months, and twenty-one days?" James shook his head, and squeezed Sirius' shoulder. He flinched as Sirius pulled away. "Trust me, Siri. I'll get you out of here."

**

How does one just up and leave Azkaban? That part is not clear. Sirius never spoke aloud about it. He just said, "Read this Harry. It explains everything. I have to go now." and left. 

I suppose, it doesn't really matter much, how the got out. It mattered more, what they did after they escaped.

**

"Where exzactly are we going, Prongs?" Sirius asked, using his friends nickname.

"We're going away from here, closer to there," James pointed out towards the ocean, they happened to be swimming in. "About 50 meters, and we should meet the portkey."

Sirius didn't know what he was thinking, but followed along, not having anything better to do. His entire world had been flipped upside down, in a matter of seconds. He wasn't about to stop and question why he was doing the things he was doing.

Before anymore questions could be asked, a boat that appeared out of nowhere pulled up as close as it could to them. A rope ladder was thrown down, intended for the two men to climb up. As both of them touched it, they felt like they were being pulled fast through time, into some other dimension, or something. 

When the spinning stopped, Sirius opened his blue eyes and looked around. They were just outside a really cute wood cabin surrounded by flowers on all sides. There was smoke filtering out of the chimney, creating a really picturesque view. 

The front door opened slowly, and standing in side was Lily.

"James! Sirius! You're back!" She exclaimed running out and hugging both of them. 

Sirius pulled back, to look at Lily. She looked exactly the same, light green eyes, soft flowing red hair. He shook his head and smiled. Then he looked up at James, who was smiling back at him. His gaze went to the door of the cabin. 

And then he fainted.


	3. Chapter Three

How could both of my parents be alive? Why did they leave me behind like that? To fend for myself, sometimes, even praying for a swift painless death. 

Fighting Voldemort on my own, year after year in school was not fun. It made me mature faster, than I had planned for myself.

But when does anyone's plan follow through?

Guess what? My parents' plans followed through perfectly.

Well, up to a certain point, at least.

***

Chapter three

Days went by, a lot of things went unsaid. Lily made breakfast and dinner, James and Sirius flew around outside, talking about weather and other small chatter. 

Sirius could barely stand it. During lunch, his 4th day there, he finally asked, "Where am I? Why are you two still alive? And where's Harry?"

Lily and James looked at each other, anxiously. "You are in a small château outside of Paris. We're still alive, because we did not die, like everyone originally thought. And Harry is with Vernon and Petunia. It's safer for him there." James replied, calmly.

"Thanks James, I could never figured that out on my own," Sirius retorted.

Lily sighed. "We honestly had no idea you had taken the blame for what that rat bastard did all those years ago. We found out last month. Why did it take so long? Probably communication error. Everyone assumed we knew."

"Yes, but everyone also assumes you're dead." he snapped. "Sorry, that was uncalled for. I just... I don't know how to handle this. How could you just leave your son like that? You know how horrible the Dursley's are! Why would you submit your son to such torture?" Sirius exclaimed. "I'm his godfather, and I couldn't even take care of him, because I went to avenge your death! And you're not dead!"

Sirius' head snapped to the side, as James slapped him. "Ouch." 

James grabbed Sirius by the collar and pulled him close. "Harry is with Petunia because he is safe there. Your temper would not allow us to let you keep him. We knew how you would react, and that is why Harry is where he is." James spoke in a soft menacing voice, "You are behaving like a child. Quit it."

James tossed Sirius back into his chair, then stormed out of the kitchen. 

Sirius sighed. "Let me help you with the dishes," he offered to Lily.

**

Ok, so this is where it kind of gets weird. I'm 7.5 years old at this point of the story. My parents were alive, and didn't want me. That was a low blow. As I'm reading through these pages, I see something I don't want to. 

But itz not as if I can go back in time, and stop it from happening.

**

The sun was setting, and James still hadn't come back in. While Sirius helped Lily prepare dinner, she had a lot to say. He nodded, or grunted in reply.

"We missed you a lot, you know. I can't believe Peter would do that to us, but I suppose if you think about, it makes sense. I mean, before babies are conformed to the world in which we live in, their natural powers are at an all time high. And every time Peter walked into the room after August, Harry would start crying. Did you notice that? I did. That's why we did the things we did. We hoped you'd insist Peter be our secret keeper. We always want the upper hand."

"How can one possibly have the upper hand, if one is constantly hiding and running, and lying?" Sirius asked softly.

Lily looked at him strangely for a moment. "We had the upper hand because, while we put everyone in great danger, our objective was to rid ourselves of Voldemort, and that's what we did."

Sirius shrugged as he started tossing the salad. "Do you miss Harry?" 

"Every day of my life," She replied murmured. 

"So then, it's almost perfect," he stated.

"Almost. Now all I need is a husband I'm in love with." Lily saw the look of confusion on his face. "I love James, certainly, but I'm not in love with him. He's not in love with me."

"Then why are you together?" he asked.

"We have to be." she replied, and left it at that.

Sirius and Lily sat down at the table, refusing to wait for James. Sirius shook his head at the thought of him.

"What?" Lily asked. 

"I was just thinking about Prongs, and what a dick he's being." Sirius shrugged, "I don't understand, and why he expects me to, well, I don't know that either."

"He's a good man, James. He also hated leaving Harry with my sister and her husband, but it really is much safer than here. We're hiding here right now. We're still dead, and probably always will be to the rest of the world. It's the only way we could continue with our jobs, ya know?" Lily rambled. 

Sirius shrugged again, thinking back to what they did for a living. 

Lily and James we're Unspeakables.

**

When I read that part, I could promise you, I was not expecting that. I mean, so many questions could be answered with that. Unspeakables. No one knows what they do. They could be spies, or theorists. My parents could have been developing counter curses for Unforgivables. 

The entire thing was almost inconceivable.

**

In the night sky, the stars shone brightly, and the waning moon, was clear. Staring up at the sky on his broom, Sirius started to think about things he hadn't let himself think about from the day he entered Azkaban. 

When he first got his letter, his mother was so proud. Then meeting James and Remus and even Peter. The first time he got detention. His first kiss, his first lover, his favorite sexual position...

"Remus should be fine by now, huh?" A voice asked quietly behind him. 

Sirius turned around to face James. "Yup. 4th day was always better. His smile was quick to show, always. I miss that guy."

"So do I," He replied, and pulled in closer. "Look, I'm sorry for snapping at you like that. I know this hasn't been easy for you. It hasn't been easy for me either. I just have to except that the pain I've brought upon Harry will be worth it in the end."

"I'm sorry for yelling at you like that. I guess I'm just not as understanding as you are. I wanted justice, James. And now, I don't deserve it, because a disservice wasn't done, I-" he was cut off by James as he pressed his lips against his own. 

At first, he didn't know what was happening. But then, he just melted into it. One hand went up into James' unruly black hair, and the other around his friend's waist. 

James forced the other man's mouth open, then darted his tongue back and forth. Both caught up in the desperation and pleasure of the kiss, didn't notice the figure from the top bedroom, smiling.

"It's about bloody time," Lily whispered, and pulled the curtains shut.


	4. Chapter Four

Dwelling on the past, is something I'm good at, but it is a rather painful hobby. Lets concentrate on what's happened, more recently.

How this all ties in with the rest of the story, I'm not really sure. I just need something new to think about right now. 

**

Chapter four

The sun was shining brightly, and the birds were singing. Harry was at the Chudley Cannon's First Quidditch game of the season. Watching from the stands was not the greatest, but watching his best friend in his first game was well worth it. Harry knew that Ron was excited about the opportunity of playing professional, but even more excited, seeing as Ron had finally been able to step out of his shadow.

Harry never asked for the life he was given, but there it was all the same. The pain of watching his Headmaster die had not faded, but seeing his friends together, and knowing that Sirius was finally free, helped quite a bit.

"Harry!" Ginny cried, pulling him into a hug. "I'm so glad you could make it. So will Ron. Gosh, isn't this just so exciting? Who would have thought my brother, Hotheaded Ron, would be the center chaser for the Chudley Cannons?" She gushed on. Harry looked to where she was leading him, and saw the rest of the Weasley's waiting for them to walk over.

"Harry! You made it! Ron wasn't sure if you'd be here or not..." Fred was drowned out by George, who was drowned out by Bill, who was drown out by Charlie, who was drown out by their mother.

"Harry! Good to see you! How have you been holding up dear?" She asked, grabbing his arm. "You just come and sit right here, that's it. So, What have you been up to, my boy?"

"Nothing really. Waiting to see if my book is gonna be published or not." Harry replied, shrugging.

"What this book about? An autobiography?" Charlie asked, leaning down between his mother and Harry.

"No, actually it is a novel about a Muggle in a Wizard's world, and how he manages to cope with out using magic. Not a best seller, but it's honest and truthful, if nothing else." He explained. 

"Oh, look! They're up!" Ginny yelled, pointing at the field.

He turned his attention to the air, as he waited for his friend to show up. Finally, Ron was spotted, and waved hastily to his family, before turning his attention to the game. 

20 minutes in, The cannons were behind by 20 points, the score being 50 to 30. Ron was a great chaser, Harry thought as he ducked an oncoming bludger and scored, lowering the deficit by another 10 points.

An hour later, the Golden Snitch had been spotted four times, Harry, accidentally catching it once. 

"It was flying right by my ear. What was I supposed to do? Let it go?" He explained poorly. Ron glared at him, before flashing him a huge smile and flew on.

"It seems this game could go on forever, though not as long as the last one. What is the new record again? 5 months, 3 days and 14 hours? Sometimes I wonder why I even bother," a familiar voice sounded over the microphone. Harry grinned at Lee Jordan's voice. It was one he hadn't heard in a while. 

"It looks like Cho has seen the Snitch again! Yes, there she goes, Krum on her tail... yes, Yes YES!!! Cho Chang catches the snitch! Chudley Cannons wins the first game of the season!" Lee's voice boomed through the speakers set up. 

All the Weasley's, Harry included bounded down to the field where the players landed. All of the red headed family went straight towards Ron, Yelling their congratulations and joy. 

"Good job there, Ron," Harry said, giving his friend a congratulatory hug. 

"Thanks," Ron replied, and flashed him a huge grin. "Party at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes!" He yelled to the crowd, moving on, excepting more praise from his family.

That night, the store had been turned into a club of sorts. All of the aisles of candy and toys we're transfigured into tables and a great music set up. 

The music was bumping, and Harry made his way around the crowds, saying hi to old friends, meeting new people. 

He didn't usually drink, but this was a special occasion, so he was doing his best to get shit-faced. As he made his way to the bathroom, he paused and leaned against the wall.

"Harry potter, I do believe you've succeeded in your quest," he mumbled to himself, then tried to move on. "One foor then the oder," he slurred. He found for some reason, he feet wouldn't move properly, and his legs refused to hold him up. "Comfy foolr. Nice and petty too," Harry garbled on.

"What are you doing down there, potter?" A voice from way up high spoke. Harry felt like the voice had shaken the rafters. 

"You have to be quieter," he whispered loudly. "Itz not good for you to yell inside," Harry explained.

"Sorry, sorry," the voice said at the same level. "What are you doing down there? Isn't it cold?"

"Lonely." 

"Lonely? You're plastered. Come on," the body that the voice was in, leaned down and started picking him up.

"I can up get my self, fank you terry much," Harry spoke. As he stood up, he took in the appearance of the Voice.

Blonde hair split down the middle, big gray eyes staring back at Harry. "You look like an angel," Harry whispered. "Like god sent you to save me from my horrible wrenched self."

"You can barely think straight, " the voice stated. "Where do you live? I'll take you home."

"I don't need to go home!" Harry shouted, causing some people to look up at him, "I need, another shot of um... beerbutter, and..." He slummed against the wall. Harry was out.

"Yup, you need butterbeer, like I need a woman." 

**

Ok, I'm really embarrassed now. Maybe I shouldn't have shared this whole part with you. Like I said, I'm not even sure how itz supposed to fit in.

Maybe the gray-eyed beauty that saved my life will be there when I find out my parents are still alive. Or maybe, he'll ruin me, and this story will really just be the longer part of a Dear John.

I'm not sure. Not yet. After all, this is 11 years after the diary had been written.

We'll see.

**

Draco watched, as one green eye looked up at him. Then the other. 

Harry was waking up.

Green eyes blinked at him very quickly, trying to focus. Harry didn't have on any glasses when Draco found him; so he assumed he'd either gotten his eyes fixed, or were wearing contacts.

I'd be just like Potter to do the Muggle thing, and put in contacts, Draco thought wryly.

"You awake yet, Potter?" He asked, quietly.

"Huhmn?" He moaned and closed his eyes. "What did you do to me, Malfoy?" 

"I didn't do anything, Harry. You got shit-faced last night, and I brought you back to my place. I don't think the Weasley's would appreciate you puking all over the Canary Creams."

"I didn't do anything foolish last night did I?" Harry asked, trying to pull himself up. "Ohh, gawd my head hurts."

"No, not really. I got you out of there before hand. You passed out." Draco replied.

"Go me."

Draco grinned. "Would you like some coffee, maybe a hangover relief charm?" He supplied.

"The latter, then the former, if you wouldn't mind." 

"Not at all."

"Thanks," Harry professed.


	5. Chapter Five

So, there I am, at Draco Malfoy's flat, in his bed, with a hangover. And he's actually being nice. I could barely believe it.

Did I really say the things I think I said?

***

Chapter Five

"Draco?" Harry asked softly. They had moved from the bedroom, out to the living room, and were sitting on the couch. The chairs and sofa were a deep burgundy, with black piping. The walls were covered in Muggle and Wizard paintings. 

"Hmm?" 

Harry didn't say anything. He was too caught up in one of the Wizards who had left his own frame, and was currently terrorizing the Muggle portrait. 

"Harry?" His head snapped up at his name, "You wanted to ask me something?"

"Where'd you get these?" Harry asked, turning his attention back to the Muggle portrait. The young wizard, who'd escaped, was standing in front of the Muggle lady, catcalling, and making faces. 

"Um, the Young Wizard, as it's actually called was a gift to me when I was eight. The Grim Lady was something I bought after I graduated from Hogwarts. What was it that you really wanted to ask me?" 

"Are you gay?" Harry slipped. He could feel his body turn beat red. He looked towards Draco, then towards the window. "Sorry, forget I asked. You tricked me."

"Yes I am, and yes I did," Draco replied. He leaned over and whispered in Harry's ear, "are you?"

Harry gulped and stood up rather quickly. "I think I should go. I appreciate you taking care of me. I hope I didn't do anything untoward. I apologize, if I did." He raced to the door, but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder.

"Turn around Harry," Draco's voice coaxed from behind him. Slowly, Harry found himself doing just that. 

Draco's hand on Harry's shoulder, trailed up to his neck, his chin, then slowly brought the green-eyed man's lips to his own. He found Harry's lips, pliable, soft and warm. Harry tasted of coffee and strawberry jam, Draco realized as his tongue slid past Harry's willing lips.

Harry found one of his hands taking it's self up to tangle in Draco's hair. So soft, like silk, he thought, running his fingers through the blonde strands.

"Draco," He moaned as his head tilted back and Draco latched on to the soft pale skin of his neck. "Oh god Draco."

He lifted his gray eyes to green. "Emerald fire eyes," he whispered, touching his fingers to Harry's swollen mouth. "I've wanted you, this for so long Harry. So very, very long. Tell me you wanted this too," Draco murmured.

"I want you."

**

Ok, and this is kind of where I leave this particular section. It's back the main story. Draco and I, that's always a good read, but this is about my dad and Sirius, and why Sirius isn't here, like he should be. 

I wonder if I'll ever truly understand anything that I've written down. I guess as more it comes out, more of it will make sense.

I hope itz soon. 


	6. Chapter Six

They kissed. My father and godfather kissed, in mid-air, the moonlight shining on them. For me, not something I'd like to imagine. For them, obviously, a turning point in their relationship.

After reading this, I'm not sure, how I'll react to Sirius, if he ever returns. 

If, being the keyword.

***

Chapter six

"I can't believe we spent so much time apart, when it was obvious we were meant to be together," Sirius sighed. The two were lying in his bed, Sirius' head on James' chest. Both were comfortable and fit together perfectly.

"You are the only person I need, Sirius," James replied, and kissed the top of his head, gently running his fingers up and down Sirius' spine. "Wasted time, I think."

"No more wasting time?" 

"Never."

The next morning, the both went downstairs, together, holding hands. Lily saw this the moment they walked into the kitchen.

"I see you two resolved your problems?" She asked quietly. 

James nodded, and kissed Lily on the cheek. "I think I've always been in love with him," He told her quietly.

"I've always known that," She replied with a grin. Both men smiled at her as they sat down. Coffee was pouring it's self, so they moved on to more important things.

Like how they were going to carry on this relationship of there's, seeing as Sirius was an escaped convict, and James was, well, dead.

"We'll figure it out tomorrow, " Sirius told her. "Right now, I just want to bask in it, all right?"

"Ok ,ok!" She exclaimed, holding up her hands in defeat. "Eggs or pancakes?" 

**

Seems perfect, huh? James loves Sirius. Sirius loves James. Lily, my mother is ok with the extra-marital relationship.

How does one muck it up? Why would they purposely do it? And how far would one person go, to prove their love?

His name is Sirius. And this is what he did for his lover.

**

"Lily!" James exclaimed, "no, you're not serious." She only nodded her head solemnly in reply.

"I'm sorry James, but this is the way it has to be. He can't stay here with us. He'll fuck it all up and everything we worked for will be for nothing.

"Prongs?" Sirius called from the doorway softly. "What are you two talking about?"

Lily and James shared another anxious look. "Maybe I should go," Lily stated quietly, and walked past Sirius. On her way out, she stopped briefly to say, "I've missed you, and I love you. You're the brother I've always wanted, I never had." 

He walked in and shut the door behind him. "James?" 

James, started pacing, then finally looked his lover in the eyes. "You've been here for a year now." he started, "A whole year, and I've loved every second of it, because I love you. You are my everything, Sirius Ian Black. I can't imagine my life with out you, not again. Not after everything I know now."

"But?" Sirius asked in a defensive tone.

"You have to go back." James said quietly. "I wish there were a better option, but there's not. Short of killing yourself, going back to Azkaban is your only choice."

"Then let me die!"

"I can't! James yelled back. "I can't! I love you too much! One day, Sirius, I promise, we'll be together, and we won't hide from anyone. Not Harry, the world. I'll come back for you again, but you have to do this."

"Why?" Sirius asked softly, James was holding him tightly against his chest.

"Because, someone knows your here. And if they know you're here, then they know we're alive, and if we're alive, then we're not dead and our whole cover is blown. So many things could go wrong, and I can't risk your life and mine and Lily's."

"You did before," Sirius stubbornly grunted.

"Yes, well before, it was easy, because if we died, then we died and everything would still follow out to the T." James sighed. "I never planned on falling in love with you."

"I love you too," he replied. "you want me to go back to Azkaban?" 

James shook his head no, "it's the only way, Padfoot. It's the only way."

"Then I'll go."

**

Three simple words that ripped my heart out. How could my father force him to go back? Make such a horrible decision like that? I can't imagine what Sirius was feeling when he agreed to go back.

And the promises, James made him, which he never knew about. 

But then I think, Sirius must have known about the other promises. Other wise he never would have left.

**

They lay in bed that night, sweaty and sated from lovemaking. Sirius rested his head on James' chest, and fell asleep.

James watched the fire light dance across the other man's tanned skin. "You are so beautiful," he whispered. 

"I've kept a record of sorts of our time together. I'll never forget it. You though, You'll never know you were gone from Azkaban. You'll never know I'm alive, or of the time we've spent together this last year.

"And it'll break my heart to not know when I'll see you again. You are the best part of me."

James whispered the words to erase Sirius' memory. 

How they got Sirius back to Azkaban, and how no one realized he was gone for a year, is irrelevant. The only six words he wanted Sirius to remember were, "It's in the château, under the bed."

And that was it. James left his lover to the Dementors of Azkaban. He cried the whole way back.

Lily was waiting for him when he returned. "Ready to go?" She asked.

"Yeah, let's move."

**

And let's go back to the present. You know, when Sirius mysteriously leaves us with no clue to where he is going. 


	7. Chapter Seven

The world threw nothing but sour rotten lemons at Sirius Black. And of course, he took it as best as he could, but he knew he was always missing something. He escaped a second time, during my third year, more vengeful and twisted than ever. It took more than a year to work him down, till he was what normal people called "sane", but he got there nonetheless. 

I always admired him, for escaping on his own, waiting till it was crucial for his own survival before breaking loose.

My fourth, fifth, and sixth year in school were rather difficult. Dealing with the loss of a friend, then being a third wheel to Ron and Hermione when they started dating. Accepting my sexual orientation my sixth year was nothing short of a miracle. The more I found myself checking out guys, the more repulsive I felt, till I got to the point where I didn't want to live anymore. No one would like me or care about me anymore, and it wouldn't matter that at the end of that year would defeat Voldemort once again. I would not be their hero, because I was gay.

But that is so me, Mr. Modesty. Of course everyone still liked me and cared about me. I wasted all my effort trying to hide it, but everyone that I cared about, already knew. It was very eye opening, and very egotistical of me, to think like that, but there it is.

On with the story, please.

***

Chapter seven

"Our one-year anniversary," Draco started, "First we were enemies, and rivals. Now we are Equals and lovers. I like that change."

Harry grinned and kissed the blonde man. "So do I, Draco, so do I." Harry smiled sweetly up at him, "I love you," he said softly.

"I love you too," Draco replied, kissing Harry again.

The sun had just rose, as the two young lovers lay in bed. They stayed up all night, professing their love then showing it to one another.

"Breakfast?" Harry asked, climbing out of bed. "We have a very busy day. Sirius said he had something very important to tell me... us, and I'd like to get it over with so we can shag some more."

Draco threw his head back and laughed heartily. "Shameless wench!" He yelled, jumping out of bed, and tackling the dark-headed man to the floor. 

They got tangled in bed covers as they kissed, rubbing against each other, getting lost in their haze of passion.

"Drake, we have to stop, for five minutes," Harry breathed, " and Sirius is going to be here any minute."

Draco, who was on top, sat up, straddling Harry. "Oh, very well." He leaned down, and gave Harry a quick peck, before running off. "I get the shower first! And no, you are NOT getting in here with me!"

Harry just sat up and laughed.

"So, how are you, Sirius?" Harry asked, grinning at his godfather. 

"Good, I've been good," he replied, distractedly. "Harry, I'm just gonna get to it. I have something to tell you."

"What?" Harry asked softly. 

"Ok... um," Sirius stood up and started pacing. Running one hand through his black hair, he tried again, "Ok. Harry, about 11 years ago, while I was still in Azkaban, There was this new inmate..." Sirius went on to tell the story. 

Harry sat there, holding Draco's hand rather tightly, shocked. "Ok, so let me get this straight," Draco said, realizing Harry wasn't in the frame of mind to answer, "You escaped with James Potter to a château in France, and became lovers for a whole year, while Lily sat on the sidelines, completely ok with it, then he makes you go back to Azkaban, and you've forgotten about all of this until now, because, while visiting a little vacation house in France, you stumbled upon a book James said you'd find, relating all the details of your relationship of that year, and know you want to leave to go find him?" Draco asked exasperatedly.

**

He really has a way of putting things, hasn't he?

**

Sirius stopped and looked at Harry. "Harry, read this. It'll explain everything. I have to go find your father. I have to. I love him. I need him, Harry." He rushed towards the door, and looked over his shoulder. "I love him Harry, and I'm not going to let him get away from me. Not again." With that, Sirius left the flat, and disparated to nowhere.

"Harry, are you ok?" Draco asked his lover softly, looking him in the eyes.

"My... father... he's alive. Or was..." Harry stammered. "Draco, I... I can't be here right now." He snatched up the book and ran out of the flat.

Draco sighed and ran his fingers through his platinum blonde hair. "Oh god."

**

I sat in Ron's living room for hours, pouring over the Journal Sirius had left me. I couldn't believe that it was true. I didn't want to believe it was true, and yet, in a handwriting that seemed so familiar and foreign at the same time, it was all pointing to one direction.

My godfather and Dad had an affair when I was seven.

There were even letters addressed to me in there. 

At least they still thought about me.

**


	8. Chapter Eight (fin)

The first letter addressed to me is right here.

***

Chapter eight

Dear Harry,

If you are reading this, then you probably know about Sirius and I. I begged him not to tell you, for your own sake, but he's always been law unto himself.

So many things to tell you, while I sit here at this desk, writing frantically, while Sirius sleeps. 

Your mother loves you, son. Never ever doubt that either of us love you. And even if we can't be there in person, we'll always be with you in spirit.

I feel like I need to explain the relationship between Sirius and myself. It really came out of nowhere. One minute, we were hovering above the trees, looking at the stars. And I thought to myself, "James, the man is beautiful. Kiss him," so I did. And things just kind of moved on from there...

**

The letter went on, to explain everything I've just written. I think the one that got me the most though, was this.

**

Harry,

In the morning, I won't remember this. I won't remember lying in your father's arms, feeling safe and secure. I won't remember him being alive. And more than that, everything that I've learned about life, will be forgotten by the time the sun rises tomorrow.

It's amazing what one will do for love. I'm willing to completely forget about this wonderful year spent with James, so he'll be safe, and you, Lily, and myself will be as well. 

Before I knew he was still living, I only had thoughts, dark thoughts of avenging him. Now, it seems I can't live without him, and to know that I'll have to for an indefinite period seems unfathomable. 

But he's worth it. He is worth the wait, and forgetfulness, and the pain. I'd give my life for him, if he asked. 

I hope Harry that you can find someone who'll treat you like you deserve. Someone who you'd give your life for, and know that they would do the same. 

That why I write this. One day, I'll find this book, and I'll give it to you, and you will finally understand the depth some people will go through to protect the ones they love.

Take care, and be well Harry,

Sirius

**

After reading that letter, I needed to see Draco right away.

**

I got home as fast as I could, and went searching for Draco. I found him in the chair next to the window, curled up reading a book and watching the rainfall. 

"You're back," he whispered looking over at me. I nodded, brushing a lock of hair out of my eye.

"Are you ok?"

"I love you," Harry simply replied, walking over to the chair. Draco stood up, and kissed the jagged line on Harry's forehead.

"I love you too, baby," he said, running his hands up and down Harry's arms. "Are you sure you are ok?"

Harry gave him a soft smile. "I'd give my life for you in a second,"

"I'd do the same for you," Draco replied instantly. "Tell me you're-"

He was cut off by Harry's lips pressing insistently against his. Draco found his hands being wrapped up in Harry's hair, as the tumbled towards the bed, tearing at each other clothing. 

In the after math, Harry curling up alongside Draco, Harry smiled. "It almost seems inconceivable that my dad and godfather had an affair seven years after he died," Harry said more to himself than Draco. "I wonder if Sirius will find him or not?"

"Who's to know except the two of them?" Draco replied kissed Harry's forehead.

*

James looked up from the book he was reading out on the porch. It had been a lovely day, the sun shining brightly off the blue Pacific Ocean. The breeze was soft, and the Hawaiian surf was high. On the beach, a black dog played in the water, chasing it down, then running as the waves crashed and went up on the sand.

He stood up, trying to get a closer look at the dog, but he didn't need reminding. "Padfoot," he breathed and raced toward the beach. As he ran, his Animagus form took over and he became a great white stag.

The dog stopped when he saw the animal trotting towards him, then started at a breakneck speed. The two animals slammed together, then turned to their human counterparts and started hugging.

"You found me. I knew you would," James whispered in Sirius' ear. "You still want me, right?"

"How could I want anyone else, when I've lived my entire life for you?" He replied, nuzzling James' neck. "I love you."

That night, two pairs of lovers, in two beds, two countries, lay together in quiet contemplacement. The inconceivable belief that enemies could become lovers, or that the dead could rise again was pushed past the bars of fate and made very possible.

The two pairs of lovers, sighed. They were satisfied.


End file.
